The One with George Stephanopoulos

The other night I had a dream that I was failing miserably to study for a test in school… then I woke up and realized I would likely feel this way for the rest of my life trying to raise my sweet baby girl. Every day, every decision will feel like a test – in fact, it already does. Should I wake her up from that beautiful, peaceful sleep to feed her? Did she eat enough or should I offer her the bottle, too? Should she be awake now or should we be trying to put her to sleep? Should I feed her every 2 hours or every 3 hours? Should I call the doctor for this little rash? Is it too hot to take her for a walk? Can we go to the store with her? Literally, hundreds of questions go through my head everyday related to her. No doubt I’ll get some right and I’ll get some wrong – but at the end of the day everyday, I hope I can close my eyes (for my brief periods of sleep) knowing I did the absolute best I could to care for her.

Today is/was Adleigh’s due date. The Lord had other plans, and today she is 4 weeks old! I have been a mom for about 10 months now (since she was conceived), and for 4 whole weeks my baby girl has been out of the womb and in my arms. She is truly a miracle and David and I thank God constantly for giving her to us. I am in awe of the Lord’s provision and His miracles every time I look at her.

                                                     

I have absolutely loved these past 4 weeks! Sure, I’m tired and can get a little stir crazy at home – but I have wanted to be a mom for a long, long time and I am certainly not going to take it for granted. I don’t love getting up in the middle of the night to feed her, but I do love her and I’m pretty sure she emits some sort of hormone that makes me not so tired and not so upset to have to do it!

We’ve had some difficulties with breast feeding which has made me feel totally inadequate – but then I reach out to my community of friends/moms and learn that these difficulties are super common, and will likely resolve in time. I’m so thankful for all my friends who have kids who are so willing to answer my continuous stream of questions I throw at them all day every day.

I love this girl so much. It’s truly indescribable. I can’t imagine not having her in our lives. I have great hopes and dreams for her; so many things I can’t wait for her to be able to do… yet I want her to stay little and not grow up, ever! The post partum hormones and emotions are crazy! Being a mom is the greatest job ever. I know I will fail her every single day, make a wrong choice, accidentally hurt her while cutting her nails (yup, that’s already happened), not soothe her quickly enough – but, thanks to the grace of God, she’s still mine!

David and I pray that we will be good parents… that we will lead her to Jesus and she’ll grow up to love the Lord with all her heart and live for Him. We pray that our family will bring glory to God and give the world a picture of His love. We are 4 weeks in… trying to figure life out as a family of 3, walking around doing life with a piece of our heart now living in someone else.

The One with the Thumb

It’s been about 4 and ½ years since I blogged! And, by “blog” I mean, shared 2 posts with the world 4 and ½ years ago. Clearly I’m very good at sticking with things I start…

Well, with baby on the way and modified bed rest ordered by my (wonderful) doctor, I have kind of run out of things to do… “Modified bed rest” – basically means take it easy. I can still work (since I can sit the majority of the day as a hospital pharmacist), I can still do normal activities of daily living (shower, make food, walk around the house a little, etc.), I can drive, I can go run some errands if necessary (well maybe, that last one is a liberty I take, but I promise I don’t push it!).  

Really, my list of things I cannot do is shorter, so far. I canNOT work out, at all, zero! No taking walks, no jogging (who wants to do that anyway), no jumping jacks, sit-ups, and definitely no CrossFit. This has been a really tough adjustment for me, and for David. We started CrossFit Feburary 4, 2013 (yes, I just went through all my tweets and instagram posts to find that day I posted my 4:57 am alarm clock picture). So since 2/4/13 CrossFit has been a part of our lives basically 5 days a week. When David and I were living in Anderson the drive to and from CrossFit at 5:00 am was some of the sweetest time in our marriage. I could go on and on about CrossFit, and I probably will, in a later post, but even though there really is no point to this blog, or this specific post, CrossFit is not the point. Regardless, having to stop CrossFit at 30 weeks pregnant has been tough – I miss the adrenaline, the sweat, the accomplishments, the community and camaraderie. And I know my husband misses having someone get up with him at 4:35 am. It’s a lot harder to keep going when your spouse is snoozing away in bed next to you while your alarm is sounding off.

I’m super thankful that I was able to keep working out as long as I did. I know it made a huge difference in how I felt during my pregnancy, and definitely helped keep away some of the extra lbs that can easily accumulate during this stage in life. I really wanted to be able to say I did CrossFit until the very end – but I have recognized that as a pride issue. My doctor spelled it out for me when I was told I had to quit, “You are no longer Amanda; you are now an incubator.”

So, here I was at 30 weeks pregnant being told I was no longer Amanda. Basically, I was “Mom.” I was not mentally prepared for that. I knew changes were coming and in about 10 weeks I would have to somehow become “Mom” but I thought I still had 2 and 1/2 more months to be selfish Amanda just casually growing our baby inside me. Reality check!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I have or will lose my identity. I realize I am still “Amanda” and that was the doctor’s extreme way of saying, take care of baby now above yourself – but at only ¾ of the way through my pregnancy, I just wasn’t ready to hear that it was time to slow down. That’s when “modified bed rest” was ordered.

So, when I get home from work and on my days off, I’m not really doing much. This has been difficult for me because I am a “goer” and a “doer.” If at home I’m usually running all over the house doing chores, constantly trying to keep up with the cleaning (believe me, I KNOW this will all get worse/harder when baby comes) and tidying. Now, I have to sit on the couch or lie down and “take it easy.” I have been reading my Bible (I’m attempting to read through the Bible in 2016, so far I’m right on track), reading other books, watching TV, writing thank you notes, trying to pick out baby names, getting paperwork done for maternity leave…. And that’s about it. I scroll through Facebook and Instagram more times than I’d like to admit – but really, there’s only so much you can do at home!

I cannot say enough good things about my friends and family during this time. Great friends have offered to come clean the house for me since I shouldn’t be doing that now (and probably because they know how neurotic I am about having my house clean). My parents came and stayed with me while David was away – they cooked, they shopped, they did the nursery – mom pulled everything out of the closets into neat piles for me to easily go through – and, as if that wasn’t enough, dad cleaned the whole house before they left, down to the baseboards. I know the transition hasn’t been easy for David either – he is definitely an equal (if not more) contributor to the house chores and duties, so I understand having to pick up my half isn’t fun. He is definitely in support of keeping baby inside of me right now, so he has been such a blessing picking up my slack. I’m so thankful to have him as my lifelong partner – we make a great team.

I make no blog promises, but I’m hoping to continue to post. It’s therapeutic – and let’s be honest, it gives me something to do! 

The One with the Sonogram at the End

Contrary to what may be assumed by my posting a second blog- the rules haven’t changed. I still don’t have too much to say- certainly nothing very interesting, and there’s really no big point to this entry! Oh, and yes, there’s the first exclamation point!

Nonetheless… I’ve been hitting the gym on a regular basis over the last week or so (that is really quite an accomplishment for me). Unfortunately, as I’ve told many friends, all of Anderson, SC seems to be hitting the gym as well. After all, it is January 11^th- and resolutions are still in full swing!  My thought is that over the next weeks and months the majority of Anderson will go back to their lazy ways… I’m just hoping I don’t allow myself to be lumped in with that group! Truth be told- I get on this kick frequently: go to the gym for a couple weeks, maybe hit up the Jillian Michaels workout DVDs, and it never fails… my momentum’s going, I’ve got a pattern, a habit, I’m motivated, and the dreaded virus we all call The Common Cold comes to visit! It’s happened the last 3 or 4 times I’ve started working out. Three out of four of those times it’s been associated with Jillian (nothing against Jillian- she has some extremely effective DVDs that wear me out!). So, this time, at least for now, I’m kicking Jillian to the curb and welcoming the YMCA into my life. Let’s see if Mr. Cold chooses to visit me in a couple weeks now.

In the beginning of December I had a routine doctor’s appointment. I hadn’t seen my PCP (primary care physician for my non-medical followers… well assuming I have any followers at all!) since right after David and I got married (about a year and a half). Nothing special going on to discuss- just a regular annual physical. I scheduled myself for some blood work the same day to check on things- hypercholesterolemia runs in my family. My doc is actually a Nurse Practitioner and she’s wonderful! She took time to follow up on things we’d discussed a year and a half ago, asked about my husband, and afforded me the time to chat with her about work, family, and life.

The next day her assistant called me with my blood work results. As expected, everything was great- except my cholesterol. She said she wanted to recheck in 4 months. FOUR months! I’ve got a mission now! This is the reason I am confident I won’t return to my lazy ways with the rest of Anderson after a few weeks/months.

I’ve been reading a book by Dave Ramsey (yea, the money guy) called EntreLeadership. It’s geared mainly toward businessmen, women and owners, but I think leadership always applies to everyday life. He has a chapter on goals and discusses how important goals are to learning, growing, and making the most out of your situation. In that, he discusses the way of effective goal-makers. Main point being- write your goals down, and have measurable checkpoints along the way to the ultimate goal. So, that’s exactly what I did. Now, unless I want to buy a home cholesterol screening kit (which I don’t) I can’t really track my progress on lowering cholesterol along the way to my April appointment. But, I can write down my goal (having done research and making sure I set a realistic goal), log the foods that I’m eating, and work toward that goal!

So- when you see me at the gym making weird faces (more on that later) and sweating, I’m not just trying to get in shape, I’m trying to protect my heart. Diet and exercise. You know, there’s a lot of other “solutions” out there. I can take some extremely effective medication and not even worry about eating my French fries and fried chicken sandwich- for goodness sake, I see this all day at work! But what does that prove?? Ancient history pretty much shows diet and exercise are the ways to go! 1 Corinthians 6 says “… your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you… You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” The context of this is obviously not my cholesterol, but somehow I feel like swallowing a small methylcellulose tablet while maintaining horrible eating habits just doesn’t do God’s temple justice. Diet and exercise.

Back to that weird faces thing- I had a friend visiting a couple of Sundays ago (ahem- Brittany Steen) who influenced me into watching The (dreaded) Bachelor. I must admit, I have gotten caught up in the hype time and time again over the last few seasons. However, this time, I wasn’t really all that excited for it. Nevertheless, here I was on Sunday evening with my husband, my friend and her fiancé sitting in front of the tube watching Ben and his bachelorettes. Nothing significant came out of that episode- but we had some GREAT laughs! There was this one girl on there who made the WEIRDEST faces! They kept doing the separate room interviews with her (and yes, episode one and the tears were already rolling) and in between words she would make these ridiculous facial expressions. I can’t even describe them. I started to think maybe she had some sort of disease where you lose control of your facial muscles.

But, then it hit me. While at the gym on the EFX I was looking around, checking things out, scoping out my environment, listening to my husband’s iPod shuffle and it hit me! I felt like such a fool! I think when I workout, about all kinds of random things from what’s showing on the 3 televisions hanging on the wall, to what in the world kind of music combination my husband loaded on this shuffle, to conversations I’ve had recently, to why I’m so tired after only being on the machine for 3 seconds, you get the idea… While the songs on his shuffle switched from “You Deserve” by Hillsong United to “Low” (Apple Bottom Jeans) by Flo Rida I laughed out loud, literally.

That, my friends, is when IT hit me! All this time I’ve been on the EFX my mind has been rolling through thought after thought, and with each thought I have felt my facial expression changing up until that point when I laughed out loud. This girl I’m referring to on The Bachelor definitely wasn’t working out during her interviews- but she clearly had a lot on her mind (with all the cat fights and man-stealing going on). I wonder if anyone was watching my face while I just glided along on the elliptical… they would think I had an internal battle going on. Legitimately.

That was Day One at the gym- and I can assure you, every day since then has been the same thing. I don’t care if people are looking at me! I’m enjoying my time with my thoughts, my senses, my observations, and, of course, my husband’s completely ridiculous combination of music. Literally- one minute I want to close my eyes, lift my hands and praise Jesus and the next minute I want to bust out in some crazy dance moves. The joy of the iPod shuffle that you don’t load yourself J

In keeping with the complete randomness and enormous length of this post, I’m moving on. Well, I guess this is kind of on topic since it also is a decision I made mostly because of my health screening. I have decided to eat at home more often and cook for myself and my husband as often as he’ll say he’ll be home! So far in our marriage we’ve had probably 99% eat outs and 1% eat ins. And honestly, those might be optimistic percentages (no surprise my cholesterol’s not in check).

So, in true baby steps my mom and I cooked a ham when she and my dad were visiting after David’s surgery. We kept some of it in the fridge and wrapped some up for the freezer. I have been heating that up for David and preparing sides to go with it for a nice well-balanced dinner. I didn’t have to do much to cook that ham- but he LOVES it- so I count that as success #1. The main dish is the hardest. The extras are easy- just some steam-able veggies, or whip up some mashed potatoes and you’re good to go. Even though prep time takes anywhere from 15-45 minutes, sitting down and eating takes approximately 6, and cleanup takes another 15-20, it’s so worth it. I feel like I’ve accomplished something great for me and my husband. I kept us from heading to fast food world, I created an atmosphere for discussion and quality time, and so far, my husband has enjoyed his meal. What more can a gal ask for?

Tonight I ventured out more than reheated ham. If any of you are veteran chefs, you will laugh at my definition of “venturing out.” But, judge not- I’m learning! Honestly, half the battle is finding the recipe! I think I could follow almost any recipe, it’s just finding one I think we’d both enjoy.

We had some chicken breast in the freezer. Step one- thaw it out! With that as my goal I perused some recipes. I got this evening’s recipes from weightwatchers.com. I prepared a baked chicken with rosemary, parsley, and fresh lemon with sides of mashed potatoes, and fresh steamed broccoli with a teriyaki and sesame seed sauce. My husband and I are still in the “spare her feelings when it comes to cooking” stage- so I’m still learning his responses to my meals. After telling him he better just be honest cause if he acts like he likes it and doesn’t really it will be a staple meal for us time and time again and then later on down the road he’ll just have to admit he actually didn’t like it the first time… David said the chicken was “okay” but not because of preparation flaws- he wasn’t sure if he liked the seasoning combinations. I gave him fresh lemon slices and he squeezed the juice onto the chicken and then he liked it a lot more. Hey- he at a lot of it, so it couldn’t have been that bad! I know he likes the mashed potatoes- those are tough to mess up. Then, he tasted his broccoli, and I knew it was a hit! Without being prompted he said how good it was! So, lesson one- if it’s REALLY good it will be acknowledged before asked.  Success #2.

If you made it all the way down here to the end, maybe you just kept reading cause you were wondering about my title and hoping I’d explain something at the end. Sorry, I have no sonogram for you, there’s no baby growing inside of me. But, in keeping with the title, I will talk about my wonderful friends who do have babies growing inside of them! You can find one of their blogs on my list of blogs I follow. Our great friends Julie and Jonathan are having a baby girl due March 1^st. I’m (not so) secretly hoping she’ll be born on February 29^th! I mean, seriously, how cool would that be?!?! And our lovely friends Ellen and Patrick are having a baby boy in April/May. Both of these women are amazing and are doing so wonderfully with their pregnancy.

Noticing a pattern to my blog titles yet?

The Pilot

Well, world of bloggers, I appreciate you reading my blog! But, it all starts with some warnings:

I don't have much to say and what I do/will say isn't always very interesting.

I like to use exclamation points! (often times every sentence I write ends with one!) I assure you though, when used, it's truly because I'm exclaiming!

I don't claim to have any point in writing this blog- at all.

I will deliver more warnings as they come to me.

I haven't written a paper in a very long time, so my writing skills may not be up to par ;)

So, here goes.... today was an interesting day! On a whim last night I decided that today I would call and make an appointment to see my Primary Care Physician for a check-up. I slept in a bit after working 38 hours over the last 3 days and called my doc's office at about 11 am. The all-business appointment lady asked me when I wanted to come in- and, again, on a whim, I asked if she had anything today. As it was, she had an opening! When I say "all-business appointment lady" I mean she didn't really want to answer the phone and make me an appointment, but it's her job so she did. And, truthfully, I didn't hold it against her. I have had days like this too since becoming a professional- and it makes me have a little more patience and a lot more empathy for other people who work with the public (well, that's mostly everyone!- more on this later).

In hopes that I'd be able to squeeze some blood work in, I continued fasting. AKA, growling stomach at doctor's appointment. No worries. My doctor is wonderful- I had a few things I wanted to discuss with her and I was a little worried she'd try to hurry me through- but she took SO much time with me! So we talked about this and that- and then I asked her about work-related stress and things associated with that.

So all this chatter got me thinking... I've been a pharmacist a little over 2 years now... and I'm definitely in the career I'd like to retire from (hopefully less than) 40 years from now. So... how do I keep it fresh? How do I keep the stress level low? How do I enjoy doing similar things 40 hours a week for 40 years? How do I take advantage of the opportunities I have? How do I make a difference instead of just pushing pills? How do I use my career for God's Glory?

I'm not going to say I answered all these questions- but maybe as this blog continues I can make an attempt...

Whilst (yup, whilst) pondering these things, I received an email from a great friend of mine with a blog post she wanted to share with me. It was hilarious! It was a pharmacist blogger who apparently aimed to answer the infamous question "why does your prescription take so long to fill" 18 months ago when he began the blog. He took a stab at it recently- with a hilarious depiction of a few minutes in the life of a (retail) pharmacist. I immediately emailed it to all my friends and family and told them to PASS IT ALONG! Seriously- if everyone read this thing, they'd be SO much more compassionate when they go to the pharmacy and we tell them their wait-time is WAY longer than they're willing to wait (you know, even though they'll wait an hour to eat at Olive Garden on Saturday night).

So, what this blog did (combined with the other events of the day), was put things in perspective for me. First of all: I'm definitely not the only pharmacist going through these things. Second of all: it's not just pharmacists that deal with people. In all reality, anyone who works in retail, which is almost everyone, has to deal with the public. Sooo, it would seem reasonable to conclude that the working public would have compassion on all other people in their work setting. Is my logic lacking??

Moral of "The Pilot": next time you get aggravated with one of your patients or one of your customers, remember, that often times you yourself are an aggravating patient or customer. I must love people better.