I don’t always want to go to Target by myself.
Sure it would be a way quicker trip solo. I wouldn’t have to change 2 diapers, dress 2 girls, pick out matching hair bows (‘cause- priorities!), find shoes that actually fit ever-growing feet, get in a last-minute nursing session to start my quick window of time, strap 2 girls in car seats, hook up my phone so one can listen to “First time Forever” (Frozen, First Time in Forever), pause in the garage to go through my mental checklist that I actually have everything and everyONE in the car, drive to the store, have a mental breakdown trying to decide if I want to park near the shopping carts for easy access but risk my new car getting scratched or dinged OR park way far out so I have room to open all the doors and the tailgate wide for easy access and zero chance of other cars nearby BUT then have another mental breakdown trying to decide if I’m going to park, turn the car off, exit the car, lock the car, remote start the car so it’s still on for the kids’ safety and comfort, walk away and get a buggy, come back and get 2 girls OR take both girls out, carry the infant carrier, hold the toddler’s hand and sweat all the way to the buggies before as quickly as possible letting go of said toddler’s hand while extending my leg to wrap around her body to ensure she doesn’t run away while I use both hands to lift the infant carrier into the buggy, and then put the toddler in the buggy OR put the baby’s carrier on the ground while lifting the toddler into the buggy and then lifting the infant carrier into the buggy (somehow I always feel like a terrible human for putting the infant car seat down in a parking lot...), push the buggy around the store with 2 kids in tow watching the clock until it’s time to nurse the baby, telling the toddler that unfortunately, she can’t hold every single thing she sees, and what she does hold should, in fact, be held and not dropped on the floor when she gets bored, checkout at the store while trying to keep the toddler from standing up in the buggy and plummeting to the ground while I unload and pay, hoping I haven’t missed my window of allotted time I can be out between nursing sessions, then having yet another mental breakdown over the decision about when to put the buggy away (read: basically reverse of above mental breakdowns), strapping 2 girls in car seats, closing all doors, sitting in driver’s seat in the coveted air conditioning, taking a deep breath, going thru the mental checklist again to make sure I have everything and everyone and then realizing I have my kids but left all my purchases at the register (just forget it, I’ll buy it all again later), driving home while again listening to Frozen songs, emptying the whole car before unstrapping the toddler ‘cause, well, basically nothing would get unloaded if I allowed the toddler out first ‘cause then I’d be chasing her around the garage or the driveway or, ya know, the street... closing the garage, entering the house JUST in time to sit down and nurse the baby again. Whew.
Yes, it would be significantly easier to head to Target solo.
BUT. I don’t mind changing diapers because I’m meeting my girls’ needs. I love picking out their cute outfits, matching hair bows, and shoes because they always look so darn precious. Strapping them into their car seats gives me a few seconds of coveted face-to-face time to tell them I love them and give them kisses they can’t run away from. Turning on Frozen for the 78th million time means I get to hear my sweet girl sing unashamedly at the top of her lungs (off key and always a few notes behind because her developing brain can’t quite keep up yet, but still) knowing she won’t always be this unashamed. The mental checklist of everything and everyone helps me pause and remember how greatly the Lord has blessed me with my beautiful family. Now, if there was a magic way to do the buggy-retrieval and kid-unloading once I arrive at the store I’d take it for sure, but until then, once I’ve succeeded in that whole crazy process, whether gracefully or not, it just makes me feel like I’ve accomplished some crazy mom feat and gives me some pride in myself for a few minutes. Watching the clock until it’s time to nurse again reminds me that my daughter needs me and we get to bond in such a special way. Even though I’m telling my toddler she can’t hold everything I love watching her eyes light up when she sees something she likes, I love listening to her squeal with excitement as she calls out the names of everything she sees just because she knows. I don’t mind the checkout line because at Target I’m almost guaranteed a sweet woman who wants to dote on my kids and tell me how adorable they are and I could listen to that all day long. And ya know how at Publix they offer to carry your groceries out for you for free? If Target offered to carry your stuff and your kids out for you and put both in the car safely that’d be amazing (hint, hint Target CEO), nevertheless, we make it back to the car, almost always WITH all my purchases and head home.
And, yes, it’s crazy, and stressful, and sweaty, and physically and mentally exhausting, but it’s memories with my little girls who won’t always be little and want to go to Target with me. And I know that most of those crazy things I have to do to get to and from the store, are fleeting. One day my girls won’t need me to pick out their clothes, strap them in car seats, or even hold their hands in the parking lot. One day they’ll be too big for all of that.
So, yea, I don’t always want to go to Target by myself.
