The other night I had a dream that
I was failing miserably to study for a test in school… then I woke up and
realized I would likely feel this way for the rest of my life trying to raise
my sweet baby girl. Every day, every decision will feel like a test – in fact,
it already does. Should I wake her up from that beautiful, peaceful sleep to
feed her? Did she eat enough or should I offer her the bottle, too? Should she
be awake now or should we be trying to put her to sleep? Should I feed her
every 2 hours or every 3 hours? Should I call the doctor for this little rash?
Is it too hot to take her for a walk? Can we go to the store with her?
Literally, hundreds of questions go through my head everyday related to her. No
doubt I’ll get some right and I’ll get some wrong – but at the end of the day
everyday, I hope I can close my eyes (for my brief periods of sleep) knowing I
did the absolute best I could to care for her.
Today is/was Adleigh’s due date.
The Lord had other plans, and today she is 4 weeks old! I have been a mom for
about 10 months now (since she was conceived), and for 4 whole weeks my baby
girl has been out of the womb and in my arms. She is truly a miracle and David
and I thank God constantly for giving her to us. I am in awe of the Lord’s
provision and His miracles every time I look at her.
I have absolutely loved these past 4 weeks! Sure, I’m tired
and can get a little stir crazy at home – but I have wanted to be a mom for a
long, long time and I am certainly not going to take it for granted. I don’t
love getting up in the middle of the night to feed her, but I do love her and
I’m pretty sure she emits some sort of hormone that makes me not so tired and
not so upset to have to do it!
We’ve had some difficulties with
breast feeding which has made me feel totally inadequate – but then I reach out
to my community of friends/moms and learn that these difficulties are super
common, and will likely resolve in time. I’m so thankful for all my friends who
have kids who are so willing to answer my continuous stream of questions I
throw at them all day every day.
I love this girl so much. It’s
truly indescribable. I can’t imagine not having her in our lives. I have great
hopes and dreams for her; so many things I can’t wait for her to be able to do…
yet I want her to stay little and not grow up, ever! The post partum hormones
and emotions are crazy! Being a mom is the greatest job ever. I know I will
fail her every single day, make a wrong choice, accidentally hurt her while
cutting her nails (yup, that’s already happened), not soothe her quickly enough
– but, thanks to the grace of God, she’s still mine!
David and I pray that we will be
good parents… that we will lead her to Jesus and she’ll grow up to love the Lord
with all her heart and live for Him. We pray that our family will bring glory
to God and give the world a picture of His love. We are 4 weeks in… trying to
figure life out as a family of 3, walking around doing life with a piece of our
heart now living in someone else.
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